What is Domestic Violence / Abuse?
West Cork Women Against Violence Project provides confidential support, information, and accompaniment to women in West Cork who are living in or who have left an Allegedly Abusive relationship. As a society we are used to almost daily reports in the media of general violence, gang violence and murder, and as a society we are justifiably outraged by this. Violence in society is very much in the public domain and despite our collective outrage, there is a danger that we are becoming desensitised to it.
Domestic Violence / Abuse is in a different league. These types of abuse occur in the intimacy of a family unit, or in a seemingly loving relationship. It takes place in secrecy, hidden from view. Domestic Abuse takes many forms. The most obvious form, physical assault can cause serious injury or death should be easily recognisable, yet how many of us are aware of the women in our neighbourhood / community who are physically assaulted? Not many? Why? Because we turn a blind eye? Because it is none of our business? That it is their problem, let them sort it out? She must have done something to provoke it?
Support Workers in West Cork Women Against Violence Project have noticed an increase in disclosures of physical assaults involving weapons; iron bars, hammers, knives and shotguns, as well as an increase in threats to kill using these weapons. Women assaulted and threatened at this level are at extreme risk and a support worker will discuss a woman’s options and work out a safety plan with her.
Yet, there is another hidden form of abuse that thousands of women experience every day. It is constant, it erodes a woman’s sense of self esteem, and it can impact on her physical as well as mental health, it can also impact on the well being and welfare of children in the family.
It is Emotional Abuse.
Emotional Abuse encompasses a wide range of behaviours intended to undermine a women to the point where she ceases to exist as a person in her own right. She can lose her sense of self, she will believe that she is to blame for everything that he says is wrong in the relationship because she will be constantly told this. She may question her parenting abilities and believe him if he says he will report her to the Social Workers. She may have difficulty making decisions because he makes all decisions, and be unsure of how to manage the family finances because he does that also. She may experience isolation from family and friends. She is likely to be reluctant to disclose the abuse to anyone because she fears she will not be believed.
Women experiencing Emotional Abuse will sometimes say that they didn’t realise that they were /are in an Allegedly Abusive relationship. Some women have said that they accepted that their marriage/ relationship wasn’t good, and that they believed that they are somehow to blame for his behaviour.
And why wouldn’t they? In an Allegedly Abusive relationship, the abuser will always blame the spouse / partner for whatever goes wrong in his life or in the relationship. Society also has a role to play in the ‘blame game’. Which of us hasn’t heard “it takes two to tango” or “she stays because it suits
her” or “I don’t believe he would do that” and remained silent?
Violent and Allegedly Abusive behaviour is the responsibility of the abuser not the abused person.
